Trust Me
by Kat-of-the-Streets
Summary: A Robert and Cora story about trust set in season 5.


AN: I haven't posted anything new on here for a long time. But I needed a break from reality, just to recharge my batteries (nothing bad has happened, don't worry). So I though why not look at fanficition again?

First of all, thank you so much to everyone who still reads and reviews my stories. Many of you start or end their reviews with "I don't think you'll ever see this" but in fact I do see the reviews and they still make me smile.

I had a look at the story stats yesterday and was very surprised to see that my stories are still being read on regular basis. I would not have expected that and am rather humbled by it. So thank you all!  
I hope you like this story which is about trust and forgiveness.

Let me know what you think and again thank you so much for still reading my writing!

Love,

Kat

* * *

Robert

He will never forget the cold look on Cora's face when she asked him why he hadn't returned to her room after she asked it of him. When she told him that she knew about Jane. That she had seen him kissing her. That she had been suspecting it for some time. That after he had told her that they were of course all right she had seen him kissing the maid.

He will never forget the tears running down Cora's face when she told him that she had held her tongue after she had seen her husband, him, kissing the maid in the library. That she had swallowed her pride to save their marriage. That she had decided to trust him to save what they still had and to turn their marriage into a happy marriage again.

He will never forget the icy determination on Cora's face when she told him that she had had it with him and that she was leaving. That she was leaving Downton and him. That she couldn't stand being ignored anymore.

He will never forget the sheer and utter disappointment reflected on Cora's face when he asked her if she was leaving him for Simon Bricker.

He will never forget the sheer and utter feeling of helplessness, emptiness and bottomless regret that he is feeling in this moment as he watches his wife get into the car she hired to leave their home and their marriage behind. Without sparing him a backwards glance.

Of course she doesn't know he is watching her through an upstairs window. How could she know? He told her just last night he never wanted to see her again. The biggest lie he has ever told in his life. Because what he wanted in that moment, what he still wants and what he will want for the rest of his life is to take it all back. Every single word he spat at her about Simon Bricker, every time he told her that she shouldn't be bothered about his business. He wants to take it back and turn it around but he missed his last chance. He should have returned to Cora's room. Just like her he should have swallowed his pride. He should have saved their marriage. Instead he broke it apart. He broke apart what seemed unbreakable.

Mary, Edith and Tom all stare at him during dinner but don't say a word. At least not to him. In unprecedented unity Mary and Edith seem to have agreed to ignore him and Tom seems to go along with it. He feels he deserves it. When Mary and Edith leave the dining room Tom remains with him however. He doesn't say anything for a few minutes and then seems to muster his courage. "You are the biggest fool I have ever met," his son-in-law tells him and all he can say is "I know".

"Do you regret it?" Tom asks and he sees no point in lying to a man who knows him so well, a man who to him is mixture of friend and son.

"I regret it more than anything," he says and looks at his glass half full of brandy. Still he can feel Tom looking at him. "Then do something about it," Tom says and he looks at his face. "There is nothing I can do," replies and Tom shakes his head.

"Go to London. That is where she is headed. Try Edith' flat and if she is not there ask your sister. She might know. Go to all the hotels and ask for her if you can't find her any other way. But go."

Tom was rather clear and what he said seemed logical but he still needs to sleep on it. One night. Because he needs to decide what to say to Cora. If she is willing to see him. And to listen to him. And maybe even talk to him. So he lies down in his tiny uncomfortable bed and imagines seeing Cora. What he hopes for is that he rings the bell at Edith's London flat, that Cora will open the door herself and fall into his arms. What he thinks is going to happen is that he will need days to find Cora, unsuccessfully beg her to talk to him and then go to Shrimpie to ask him about a good lawyer to help with a divorce.

Cora

She is able to hold it together until she is at Edith's flat. Her daughter was kind enough to offer her to stay for a while and she is very thankful. She'll be mostly by herself here and she hopes beyond hope that if Robert decides to follow her he will be smart enough to check here first. Or second because he might visit Rosamund first. She doesn't know why she hopes that he will come. Maybe she hopes for an apology or maybe she hopes for closure. She lets her tears fall freely now, no one is going to see her. She crawls into bed and wonders if should have turned around when she felt Robert looking at her through the upstairs window.

"My Lady?" she feels Baxter shaking her awake. She forgot she asked Baxter to follow her on the train. That she asked Edith to give Baxter a key if possible. And of course her faithful Lady's maid did exactly as she asked.

"Baxter," she says and gratefully accepts the breakfast tray that has been prepared for her.

She goes through her usual motions of getting dressed in the morning and the routine helps her feel normal. At least a bit. It helps her deal with the fact that she left her home and her husband. With good reason.

She tells Baxter to enjoy London for the rest of the day. She will eat at the Ritz or the Criterion. But before she goes anywhere she needs to sit down and think. Or better yet, not think. Just stare out the window and come to terms with what happened. She wonders if Edith would let her stay at the flat for quite some time. It is lovely.

When she hears a knock on the door she supposes it to be Baxter who did not want to burst through the door unannounced. But when she opens it it is Robert standing in front of her, looking as if he had aged at least 10 years within a single day. It breaks her heart.

Robert

He can't place the look on her face. It could be shocked, it could be pleased, it could be disinterested. "Cora," he says and is surprised by the croak in his voice. To his astonishment she lets him in and offers him to sit down.

And then she just stares at him. He wishes she'd say something. Anything. But she doesn't. She is waiting for him to talk.

"Thanks for letting me in," he says and she replies "your welcome". Without any emotion. Without any warmth in her voice. Without that slight smile on her face that she so often displays when looking at him. And he wonders if he really wants her back. If she is still the woman he loves or if that woman has vanished. Has been broken just as their marriage.

"Robert," she says and her voice is a little softer now. "I did not invite Simon Bricker into my room. He had no place to be there. I told him he had to leave. But he refused. He kept telling me it was what I wanted too. That he was sure about that. He didn't want to understand that I said 'no'."

He nods. And he knows why Bricker did not believe Cora. "You flirted with him. You let him on."

She shrugs. "Maybe. Maybe that is what I did. I flirted with him, I let him take me to dinner, I let him stay at our house. But I refused to kiss him when he tried. I told him I couldn't go out with him again. But he cared about me. He asked me about myself, about my opinion."

He nods. And he thinks he knows why Bricker did all of that. Because he wanted Cora to say 'yes' instead of 'no'. Bricker did not appreciate her, at least not as much as Cora thinks. He wonders about telling her this but decides against it. Maybe Cora was just a little too trusting.

"I don't think you invited him into your room," he says. He knows this is true when he says it.

"Thank you," Cora says. She walks across the room and leans against a side board, her arms crossed in front of her. A rush of emotion overcomes him. He tries to take those emotions apart but he really can't. There is love in there, he sure of that, guilt, jealousy, sadness and other feelings he can't name.

She stares at him, looking is if she was fighting with herself, trying to stop words from being said but then she does say them. "I think you invited Jane into your room." An icy dagger is stabbed into his heart or maybe his stomach. Because Cora is right. Of course she is right. "But I know that you did not take her to bed. You may have wanted to but you didn't. In the end you didn't go through with it."

"No," he says. He hates remembering that time of his life. His near betrayal of Cora, her nearly dying of the Spanish flu.

Cora now looks at him piercingly. "I trusted you." She just stares at him and he can't hold her gaze anymore. So he looks down at the table cloth. "But you did not trust me."

"No," he says again. And then "I was mad with jealousy. I was wondering what you saw in Bricker that you did not see in me. And I was mad that you were willing to replace me."

Cora now drops her arms. "I wasn't willing to replace you." He knows that what she says is true. Cora never had any intentions in that regard.

"I know," he says and then "I am sorry". For a second a smile flitters across Cora's face and it gives him courage. He gets up and walks towards her. She remains where she is but doesn't turn around. However, he keeps his distance. He doesn't stop close enough to her to touch her. He is afraid of her flinching, or moving away. But she remains where she is, leaning against that side board, looking at him expectantly. "I am sorry I didn't trust you. And I am sorry I did not return to your room. I should have done that." Cora doesn't say anything. She just keeps looking at him. As if she waited for him to say more.

"Do you really want to leave me?" he asks and she shrugs her shoulders. "Does it matter?" she asks. "You said you didn't want to see me again."

"And yet here I am," he says and takes one more step towards her. He is now close enough to her to touch her. But he doesn't.

"And yet here you are," she says without moving.

He takes one more step forward and takes her hands in his. "Stay with me," he whispers. She moves her head noncommittally but leaves her hands in his. He moves his thumbs over her hands. "I don't want to be ignored. I don't want to be treated like a child. I want you, I need you to treat me as your wife. As your equal."

"I will," he says. "Trust me."

He will never forget the feeling of relief flooding through him when he hears Cora's chuckle. When she smiles at him and nods.

He will never forget that feeling of love rushing through him when she leans forward and briefly kisses him on the lips.

He will never forget that feeling of utter happiness when he kisses her back and she puts her arms around him, ensuring him that a mere 24 hours after the worst fight they have ever had their marriage is what it was for three decades. Utterly and completely happy.


End file.
